Had The Titanic Left Jamaican Waters!

The Titanic was about to set sail from Old harbor with hundreds aboard.

Fitzroy Brown said his goodbye to his wifie ‘ Awright baby Love ..tek care til mi come back yuh hear, yuh done know sey when mi reach a Englan’ an get mi paypas straight mi wi sen fi yuh soh wi can live nice seen’

Wifie: OK mi love, tek care and mine yuh drown a sea, if mi hear sey yuh drown a gwine kill yuh, and Fitzroy memba fi sen dung some trang English pound fi mi an di pickney dem.

Later that evening on board, the lower deck was pack filled with a massive crowd packed in like sardines. Some were nodding to the heavy base rydym as DJ Daag Heart spin di wickedest tunes on the “Sea Love” sound system. The “deckhall” crew was partying like it was 1949. The ship was owned an operated by the Pot-head Na*ve People (PNP) . The ship’s Captain was preoccupied with kissing up to the big spenders on the ship.

‘Hi Madam Portia Simpson, yuh looking lovely wid all dem gold a glisten roun yuh neck dowe an a soh yuh fat an rosey’.
‘ Hey PJ, let’s keep our fingers cross, no riots and deck blocks on the ship so far ah? (wink, wink)

PJ: Dat is because a don’t announce di fare increase yet.. but I will have Omar deal wid dat lata.

At the controls on the upper deck were SAMMY and RUPERT. Both had been drinking Guinness stout to keep awake as evident by the empty bottles rolling back and forth on the floor.
SAMMY: Di Blouze Naught place cold eeh Rasta …kiss mi neck!
RUPERT: Yuh tink a joke ..if mi teet dem noh tap rakkle ..mi boun’ fi loose all 13 a dem
SAMMY: A wonda how far wi deh now.. wi noh suppose to soon reach Englan’.. How much a’clack yuh have boss?
RUPERT: Half pass ten and wi tell di port autorities dem sey di ship suppose to dock roun 9:30..but wi noh too late ..9:30 is ?bout 11:30 Jamaican time.. soh wi pon track sed way.
SAMMY: A wha dat ova deyso ina di wata Rupert? (pointing)
RUPERT: Dah big sinting dey? ..It look like a one oversize snow cone. A wonda a wah?
SAMMY: Mi noh too sure but a one rahtid ugly looking sinting..yow mi a go ding di Captain. (He radios) Captain
Barkley ..one snow cone ina di way sar.what is we to do..’hova han hout ‘
CAPTAIN: Bwaay a weh yuh a tell mi sey? Snow cone? Ina sea?
SAMMY: Come look pan it den noh sar.. afta mi noh know a what it is sar.
The Ccaptain appeared on deck and upon seeing the culprit he yelled: Kiss mi false teet! ICEBERG ICEBERG!!! BLOW DI HARN, BLOW DI HARN!!
RUPERT: But if a iceberg sar, what blowing di harn gwine do..It nat gwine move outa di way!
CAPTAIN: Bwaay don’t back ansa mi, mi she BLOW DI HARN! ..so he did as told
SAMMY: Captain Barkley mi have a betta idea sah.. why wi noh jus lock up di steering wheel and cock di ship pan di side.
CAPTAIN: Awright do yu bes and mek sure yuh noh lick up mi ship pan dah sinting deh cause it noh insure an memba seh unu a navigate unda suspended license so do – tek unu time.

Sammy and Rupert worked hard locking the steering to the right. The ship was by now sailing on the side and the passengers all fell on top of each other * Some panicked: ‘Oye Driva Tek time roun di carna noh man. Try yuh bbes jus let mi aff mek mi ketch aneda ship before yuh kill mi inya’

Meanwhile, on the deck the three men watched in horror as the ship came dangerously close to the iceberg. The Captain trembled: ‘Eternal fada bless our land.. RUPERT and SAMMY unu sey a likkle praya caus wi bout fi si pinnie walli up inya*

SAMMY: Jus res yuh foot Capn’, wi dun safe .wi a go mek it man .. a years mi a drive ship! And so as Sammy predicted, the ship cleared the iceberg.
RUPERT: Respec! ..what a wicked one wheelie dat was.. kiss mi cockafart! Di Captn piss im pants! They all laughed and hugged and dapped fist as a sign of relief.
The CAPTAIN spoke in the intercom: Ladies an genklemen ,dis is your Captain speaking we about to land ..a mean about to dock in about anodda half hour. Sit tightly and tank unu for sailing the Titanic..your continued patronage is always welcome.

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